You Can't Bring Them Back

What I’m about to write has been in my brain for many years. Frankly, my family has supplied enough drama to write a book; but this one, this one has never left me. Ten days ago, after Troy Davis was executed even though there was ample evidence suggesting he was not the man who killed police officer Mark MacPhail, my brain went back to 1975 after a pro-death penalty friend texted, “what if it was a member of your family that was killed” and I retorted that “it has been a member of my family.” I haven’t been able to shake it. I want to write a short story of an incident in my youth so people understand that this stuff happens in so many families. You can’t ever think, “no, not me, not us, it’s the others.” An eye-for-an-eye can never undo the damage.

In August of 1975, not too long after my 13th birthday, we got word that my aunt Vicki was dead. I believe she was 42 at the time. My uncle Sonny who was an alcoholic had thrown her down some stairs in a drunken fit. I now know he had always been physically abusive towards her and everyone looked the other way. Yet he had always been so nice to me. As a kid, I was a big baseball fan and loved the Red Sox. He gave me my first baseball glove. It was used and worn, but man I loved that thing. Carl Yastrzemski was my favorite player and he gave me this awesome picture of Yaz in his batting stance. Then after he went to a Sox game, came back with a glossy team photo of the Red Sox for me. He even gave me my first driving lesson on a tractor. He was my favorite uncle. I was totally unaware of the darkness.

Unlike most of my aunts, my aunt Vicki always said girls can do anything boys can do and I should do what makes me happy. She knew I wasn’t a girly girl from the start and she was totally cool with that, and never tried to encourage me to be someone I wasn’t. In fact, she encouraged my passions. I liked sports, I played with trucks and while I loved teddy bears, I hated dolls. And I liked to write. She used to read my lame little Red Sox game caps, she was the only one. Even my parents couldn’t be bothered. My funniest memory was her tying my socks together when I was little and me crying because I was not smart enough to just take them off!

I vaguely remember parts of a day so many, many years ago, so long before that dark August day. My aunt Vicki had showed up in her Ford Falcon at our house because Uncle Sonny had beaten her up again. I remember the black eye. I remember her crying and holding herself up against our refrigerator before I was scooted away. Next thing I knew, she was gone. My father didn’t want to let her stay, didn’t want to get involved. My mother has always been subservient of his demands, even though I know now that she regrets not taking a stand, it’s too late. Just so you know, my father has never been physically abusive, but emotionally, well that’s another story. The thing that changed for my mother was that as I hit my teens, I fought back to his sexist, subservient tone and while it didn’t really help me as I was who I was, I think it helped her. Yet, to this day, she somehow remembers the days of her youth when women stood with their men no matter what as a positive. But, I digress…

I’m not sure how often I saw Aunt Vicki after that incident as I’m sure she didn’t feel welcome or supported. As an adult, I can only wonder how my parents support might have helped her. I also wonder, with her encouragement if I would’ve pursued my dreams of journalism, as she was the only one who believed in me and encouraged me to swim upstream when needed. I wanted to be a writer, a sports writer at the time. Who knows, with encouragement, maybe I’d be Jackie McMullen today. My parents didn’t believe in college. I went back to school when I was in my 30’s, but by then felt journalism had passed me by so I jumped on the computer technology train where I serve today.

So here I am many years later putting pieces of my life together and thinking about the “Butterfly Effect.” My Uncle Sonny did not deserve the death penalty. He was ill. There were at least two sides to him as I’ve stated. He wasn't always an abusive drunk. Back then, especially in a small farming community, getting help was still a sign of weakness. That said, he killed my aunt. He was only sentenced to seven years, served six and was let out on good behavior. His pattern repeated. But since I don’t have all the details, I won’t bother with speculation. However, I can say first hand that anyone who wants to cut spending for addiction is foolish.

I guess in the end, capital punishment is playing God. I personally would not be comfortable sending someone to death. Yet, I can also understand certain cases, like the Petit case in Connecticut where the perpetrators couldn’t possibly be more evil, and if the state executes them, no one will care. This is such a complex issue, but it’s becoming more and more clear that innocents are being executed with shoddy evidence or in Troy Davis’ case, no evidence; we must decide what kind of society we want to be. No matter what they’ve said publicly, officer MacPhail’s family will now be living with, “what if he wasn’t the one.” This stuff stays with you forever, it will never make more sense tomorrow than it did yesterday. Meanwhile, you’ve taken another life. Will you feel better about your loss? I doubt it.

Wait 'til next year - stockings were hung January 5th

Let's discuss my beloved Boston Red Sox. This past off-season they let one of my favorite Sox walk when they didn't really put an honest effort into resigning Jason Bay. Apparently our braintrust didn't think 36 homeruns and 119 rbi's while playing a quality left field warranted the sought after 5 year contract. They instead signed pitcher John Lackey for 5 years at a tune of $82.5M (a guy that plays every 5th day instead of an everyday outfielder). They also signed journeyman SS Marco Scutaro, fielding wiz 3B Andre Beltre and 37 year old former gold glove often injured centerfielder Mike Cameron. Excluding Kevin Youkillis and Dustin Pedroia, there isn't a consistent bat in the line-up. Yes, there are still good hitters with Victor Martinez, JD Drew and Jacoby Ellsbury, but they're streaky. GM Theo Epstein and manager Terry Francona claimed that this years team was going to emphasize pitching and defense. That's code for, "we cheaped out for quality hitters." Furthermore, they were third in the league last year in fielding, not 3rd from the bottom. And yes they scored the third most runs in the majors, but guess who scored the most? The team they chase every year, the World Series Champion NY Yankees! And they added a bat, a basestealer and quality outfielder all rolled into one - Curtis Granderson!

My opinion at the time looking at this line-up was the rotation of Josh Beckett, Jon Lester, John Lackey, Tim Wakefield and Daisuke Matsuzaka while good, (based on lifetime ERA's) still meant that you need to score at least 4 runs per game for the first 3, 5 for "Wake" and you better have a rested bullpen for "Dice-K" and expect to take one on the chin. In fairness, Dice-K hasn't pitched yet as he's on the DL. His spot has been filled admirably by Clay Buchholz. I just didn't see how they were going to score runs consistently. And...

So far, I've been right, they can't score consistently. In fact, they've been outscored 54-47 through 11 games. To date, they're 11th in fielding! Also, young star Ellsbury was moved to left field from center to accommodate Mike "Cantrun" Cameron and while still learning the position crashed into Beltre injuring his ribs and hasn't played since. On top of that, no one in management is willing to accept that David Ortiz, once hailed as Big Papi is done! The man has struck out in half his at bats this season, but Tito keeps marching him out there every day while Mike Lowell languishes on the bench. It's not 2004-05 anymore. Manny's gone, the steroids are gone...move on. I don't want to hear about Tito and loyalty to his players. Where's his loyalty to Lowell? He not only brought a good bat to the line-up, before his hip injury was arguably the best third baseman the Sox ever had, at least in my lifetime.

Then there was last night, when supposed defensive wiz Cameron, dropped a fly ball pinning 4 unearned runs and a loss onto Clay Buchholz. Guess what, the losses in April count just as much as the one's in September. This isn't Nascar with the stupid "The Chase" system where the points are reset for the top 12 drivers for the last 10 races. My feeling is that they'll be lucky to finish 3rd in the AL East this year. The Yankees are a shoe-in for 1st, I think Tampa Bay will rebound from an off year and while Toronto is rebuilding, they got some good young players coming along. Don't count on Boston holding them out of 3rd. If I had to make a wager right now, I'd bet there will be no playoff games in Fenway Park this season...not even a wild card entry.

UPDATE: They got beat today 7-0 by Tampa Bay which means they have now been outscored 61-47 through twelve games and own a 4-8 record. Did I mention the Yankees are 9-3?